Your Inner Circle
Who is in your inner circle? And more importantly, are they helping you propel forward in life? Or are they actually holding you back?
“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” - Jim Rohn
Our inner circles consist of people who not only occupy our time but also influence our minds and our daily behaviors. So if your inner circle is made up of people who are money conscious and focused on growing their net worth, it is highly likely that you will follow similar habits.
However, if your inner circle is made up of people with not-so-smart money habits and aren’t focused on growing themselves or their net worth, it is a matter of time before these habits rub off on you. And interestingly, sometimes we do this intentionally and unconsciously.
Because I don’t feel comfortable about money, we may subconsciously surround ourselves with people who have bad money habits. This can either make us feel better about ourselves because we are at least not as bad as them or even possibly trick ourselves into believing that we are actually good with money.
“Hey I know more about investing than my friends, so I must know what I’m doing right?”
But if we want to attain wealth and success in our lives, we must be very selective of who we allow into our inner circle. Even a few bad apples can cost us dearly in the long run.
Inner Circle | Don’t Want
So, first, let’s start out by seeing what type of people we don’t want in our inner circle. The common trait of people who will have a negative influence on your future are individuals who are generally filled with pessimism and a negative outlook on life. They see themselves as victims in most situations and believe that either society as a whole or someone is holding them back. Some common statements you will hear from them are:
“There is never enough.” - They live with a scarcity mindset. They believe wealth is scarce, and they are always on the wrong end of the stick.
“See, it never works out.” - They are focused on finding problems rather than solutions. To them, the world is full of problems, and they are helpless to them.
“There is no hope.” - They see no future. Or, more specifically, no hope for the future. This keeps them from pursuing their dreams or, furthermore, even having dreams.
“I want it now.” - They seek immediate gratification. They are very short-term focused. Not willing to look at or invest in the long-term game. As you can guess, this kind of mindset is detrimental to growing wealth. Why save, you live once, right?
“I don’t have any problems. You do.” - Insecurity runs high for them, and it's tough for them to admit their problems and, more importantly, hear or seek feedback. This drives them to pretend to be someone they are not, and as you can imagine from a financial perspective, they often mask these insecurities with false expressions of wealth.
Importance of Protecting Your Mind
Sadly, when I reflect on these quotes and traits, it reminds me of myself actually. As an immigrant. As someone who didn’t have money growing up. And someone with a chip on his shoulder, I struggled with insecurities and short-term gratification for many years. You can pretty much sum up my twenties here.
However, what allowed me to overcome many of these traits was my inner circle. King Solomon wrote, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise.”
So starting in my thirties, I started to really guard my mind against negative influences. I became ultra protective of my mind and who I spent time with. I didn’t outright reject my close friends and family, but I worked to create healthy boundaries against negative behaviors or statements. I was so sensitive to protecting my mind against negative influences that when my wife and I started to really start to cut down our expenses and pay down our student loans, we actually kept it a secret from most people.
I knew from experience that money was a sensitive topic, and though people might have been speaking with the best of intentions, their money advice wasn’t going to help us reach our financial goals. Some common statements that my wife and I had to filter out constantly were:
“You live once, so don’t be so cheap.”
“Everyone works a 9-5 for at least 30 years. Do you think you are any special?”
“I love my new car. You should get one too.”
As you can guess, allowing these negative influences to seep into our minds can cost us millions in the long run. If I had continued to allow negative influence to dictate my thoughts and lifestyle, my wife and I would never have been able to pay down our debt in 3.5 years. Or confidently be able to shake away the label of being “cheap.” We like to think of ourselves as “valuist.”
And most importantly, achieve financial security today. Recognizing and creating healthy boundaries against negative influence can literally change your life, so be extra cautious of whose voice you allow into your circle.
Inner Circle | Wants
Below are a few common traits I see in individuals who go on to achieve extraordinary success in life and wealth. The hallmark of these individuals is their optimistic, positive mental outlook in life. You know when you meet them because you can feel their energy. These types of people lift you up. When pessimists see a door and sulk that it's closed, these optimists don’t just see doors that can be opened. They can’t wait to open them. Some typical quotes you would hear from these individuals are:
“I can’t believe there are so many opportunities.” - They have an abundance mindset. Life isn’t a zero-sum game. Everyone can be a winner if they are willing to put in the work.
“How can we fix this?” - Unlike a pessimist, they are always solutions-oriented. When they see a problem, they see something that can and needs to be solved.
“We can do this.” - They are confident. Action is their default. Thus they have goals and dreams that they are constantly moving towards.
“I am thankful.” - And balanced with their confidence, they have gratitude. They focus on what they have and not on what others have.
“Where do we want to be ten years from now.” - They are long-term focused and are constantly looking at ways to invest for a better future. This is a great trait to have as an investor since you are willing to sacrifice today so you can allow compounding to grow your investments for tomorrow.
When you surround yourself with these types of individuals, they have the effect of lifting you up. They help you solve problems, achieve your goal,s and overall improve your life.
Finding Your Inner Circle | My Secret
So you may be asking at this point. That sounds great and all, but how do I get these types of people into my inner circle? I don’t know anyone like the people you just mentioned. This is where I want to share with you my secret to building your ultimate inner circle.
The fact is that when I realized I needed to change my inner circle, I struggled with the same thing. Where were all the fantastic people I could learn from? And if they are so successful, why would they want to associate themselves with me? But that’s when I realized that my solution was right in front of me.
One of Charlie Munger’s core operating systems for life was this - “Learn deeply from the eminent dead.” Charlie Munger commented that he frequently would spend time conversing with the dead.
“If you go through life making friends with the eminent dead who had the right ideas, I think it will work better in life and work better in education.” - Charlie Munger
I’ve always been a book nerd, but I became even more obsessed with reading after this realization. I started to read as many biographies of books written by significant historical figures and thought leaders as possible. Today, in my office, I have rows of books from whom I consider now my inner circle.
Though, unlike Charlie Munger’s “eminent dead,” many of mine are still alive and well today. And they just likely wouldn’t return my phone call if I was to reach out. But to me, they are cherished individuals whom I glean so much wisdom from. The following list is not comprehensive, but these are a few of the figures in my life who have really helped me to propel forward in life:
Benjamin Franklin - On Personal Development
Bob Iger - On Management
Dale Carnegie - On Effective Communication
Dave Ramsey - On Paying Down Debt
JL Collins - On Investing
Cal Newport - On Deep Focus
Donald Miller - On Marketing
Dwight Eisenhower - On Perseverance
You may look around you and feel very alone. You may feel like no one you know shares the same passion that you do. However, the world’s greatest minds are right at your fingertip if you reach out. Reading the books of significant historical figures and thought leaders has really helped me to shape my thoughts, perspectives, and possibilities.
If you are struggling to develop better relationships with people, ask Dale Carnegie what you should do. He’s always there for me - right on my bookshelf. Similarly, when I struggled with managing my team members, I sought the counsel of Bob Iger. I know he was busy running a billionaire dollar corporation called Disney, but somehow he was always there for me when I needed his inspiration. If you are willing to put in the work of reading and learning, your inner circle can be made up of some of the greatest minds out there.
The bottom line is this. If you desire to grow your wealth truly, your inner circle will have the greatest impact on your life. It’s weird for me to say as a personal finance channel, but at the end of the day, it isn’t your budget, your tax saving strategies, or the investments that will make you wealthy. It is the knowledge that you will gain from the inner circle that will really propel you forward in life.
And if you are fortunate enough to have real people join your inner circle in your journey, share with them the “eminent dead” that you are already close with. The chances are that they likely have their own list of eminent dead that had an impact on them as well.
